i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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