so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
