Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
