I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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