are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
