It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
