I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
