ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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