If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
