In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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