Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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