I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
