I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
