Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
