Apparently you make a good broom.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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