I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
