i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
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