I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
