where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
