Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
