I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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