I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
