I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
wow bdsm is so cute
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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