You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
