everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
