So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
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I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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