we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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