You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
