he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
