forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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