how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
