Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
