just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed