i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
