my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Randomize
