I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
