So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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