you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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