I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
