Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
