what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you would pick up someone in the library
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
