i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize