It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
