The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
