Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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