that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
