If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
