So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
