Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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