He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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