I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
