Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
