the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize