I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
bring money and cleavage
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
