you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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