I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
