I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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