i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
