It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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