The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
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sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
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They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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