Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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