Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I didn't notice because vodka
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
